Feeling Blue

Yeah, I'm feeling blue. I get in these moods sometimes. Two weeks out of the month I get really sad and depressed and then I'm fine again until the next month. I don't know. It just feels longer than usual I guess. Sometimes I wish I could be happy all the time but I'm pretty sure that's too much to hope for. I think I'm sad right now cause I really don't feel any love from anyone. Which is fine. I'm a strong girl and I don't need validation from another human being. Honestly, I'm just fine on my own. The thing is, I just don't see an end to this loneliness. My family is kicking me out and they aren't gonna let me back in. All of my so called "friends" are either too clingy or don't care enough. Maybe I'm being too picky? I just wish that I didn't have all of this fear and this pain. What happens in the future? Am I smart enough and capable enough to take care of myself? Do I need someone else to love me? I guess the scary thing is I won't know until college which is still a month away. It's coming way too fast and yet, not fast enough. I feel like there isn't anymore hope, there isn't any more luck. Its now or never and I kinda wish that this wasn't happening. The next four months are my last chance at friendship, at a happily ever after, at love and at success. The last 18 years have been a complete failure and I've only got 4 months to turn things around completely.